Ninzyte
by Stavi
Summary: Kakashi is having some 'problems'. It's the magic pill. Muwahaha! Bonus second chapter.[KakaIru], [SasuNaru], Lemony, twoshot. and language.
1. Chapter 1

Opening: Yay! KakaIru! (cheers) Oneshot!

Warning: Lemony! Yay! KakaIru and SasuNaru. Bad item title cover up. Lol.

Disclaimer: No I don't own Naruto, thanks for asking. (Cries about the cruel, cruel world)

---

Kakashi had been gone on a mission for four months. He was thoroughly tired and after their enemy preformed a weird jutsu on him, something felt off. He was just glad to go home to his Ru-Ru-chan for some good loving. Somehow the thought didn't make him as happy as it probably should have.

"Only another mile and a half until we reach Konoha." One jounin said to Kakashi.

"Right." He said cheerily his eye in a half-moon.

They reached Konoha quickly as they rushed the last half a mile. Kakashi sighed happily as he entered the apartment he shared with Iruka. He walked through the door and was immediately caught in the scent of roses. The silver-haired nin set his stuff down and walked down the hall, to their shared room where he was shown the most _eatable _and _fuckable_ sight that man has ever been graced with.

Sitting in the middle of a bed of thornless roses was a fully undressed, blushing, and smiling Iruka.

"Welcome home, Kashi-chan." He said in an innocent and (if you ask Kakashi) seductive voice. He was ready to pounce on him when something odd hit him like a ton of bricks…

"Ru-Ru-chan, something's wrong." Kakashi said, worry marred on his face.

"What is it Kashi-chan?" He asked concerned for his lover.

"…!" The jounin mumbled under his breath.

Iruka didn't catch it. "What was that Kashi-chan?"

"Idon'twantsex!" He said quickly.

"One more time?"

"I don't want sex!" He cried.

"NANI?" Iruka hollered loud enough for the whole village to hear.

"Please, don't make me say it again. I feel so…so dirty." Kakashi sobbed and fell to his knees dramatically.

Iruka placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's okay; maybe you'll be better tomorrow, okay? So don't be sad."

The jounin smiled sadly. "A-Alright." He hugged the chunnin lightly and they crawled into the bed of roses, Kakashi spooning Iruka, and sleeping peacefully. Well, almost peacefully. Kakashi was still worried, but nevertheless, slept a dreamless sleep which, under normal circumstances, would be wet-dreams of his dolphin.

--The next morning—

Iruka awoke to an odd noise he could categorize as pissed off grunt followed by a loud…

"NnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOO!"

Iruka ran into the bathroom and was faced with a naked Kakashi, in the shower, griping his member and sobbing.

Kakashi noticed his lover entrance and ran to him and clung to the mans bare arm. "Nothing's working Ru-Ru-chan! I've tried everything, thinking of you, touching you, touching me! NOTHING!" He whined.

Realization dawned on Iruka. _That's_ why he woke up with a hard-on. _'Damn Kakashi-hentai'_. That's when he made his mental mistake. Kakashi _wasn't_ a pervert anymore. He couldn't be. He couldn't get aroused. "Oh. Fuck." Iruka swore with wide eyes.

You see, contrary to popular belief Iruka can't live with out sex from Kakashi or he spends his day being depressed, which is almost never except the past four month where Kakashi was gone, and Iruka was wreck. But he would never tell Kakashi that or he'd never make it to work. Ever.

"What was that?" Kakashi pulled out of his fit to look at Iruka.

"Nothing." Iruka turned his head to the side.

"You need to get ready, you're meeting team 7 in…" Iruka looked at the clock. "…2 hours?" He looked at Kashi incredulously. "You're up _early_? Omigawd, there is something wrong with you!" The brown haired chunnin panicked slightly.

"Maa…Maa… Calm down dolphy! I'm gonna get ready anyway, since I'm already showered." He helped Iruka up, along with himself and walked out to get changed.

Iruka watched with wide eyes. No sex. Not late. No sex. No molesting. No sex. No sex. It was a really hard thought to process.

When Iruka finally gathered his bearings Kakashi was about ready to leave when he turned around and gave him a peck on the nose, smiled, and left to give his team premature heart attacks. Once he was gone was when he noticed something that would give anyone who remotely knew Kakashi brain damage.

There on the table in all its orange glory, was none other than Kakashi's FULL set of Icha-Icha books. Not a one out of place, meaning only one thing. Kakashi was bookless. It truly was the end of the world.

--At the bridge—

Kakashi sighed dejectedly at his situation. Life really had a fun time kicking him in the balls while he was down. How uncool.

He was currently basking in the soft morning glow of the sun rise, sitting calmly on the ground, more precisely on the bridge, and staring contently at the stream gently flowing by.

Suddenly he was jolted out of his reverie when the two teammates he definitely did not expect to see came towards him, holding hands. Naruto and Sasuke. Before he was seen, he leapt into a nearby tree to watch the scene unfold.

Sasuke let go of Naruto's hand as they stood 'alone' on the bridge. What happened next made Kakashi's eyes nearly fall out of his head. Sasuke apparently became very bold and slid his hand into Naruto's pants (and most likely his boxers) and squeezed. The blonde shinobi yelped in surprised as his face heated up.

"Sasuke, not here." He hissed, trying to pry the 'not-so-foreign' object from his pants.

"Nobody's here. Dobe." He purred into Naruto's ear. Sasuke started to gently massage Naruto's ass making the blonde moan softly. The younger one turned, with Sasuke's hand still down his pants, and pressed his lips between the juncture of Sasuke's neck and shoulder, kneading the skin and nipping a sensitive area. Sasuke moaned outright.

Kakashi was shocked to say the least. Never once, in all the time he had known them, had they displayed any form of endearment towards each other and now hear they were in all their glory molesting each other like there was no tomorrow. After the initial shock he was faced with a new emotion. Can anyone say 'pissed'? Why was he pissed, you ask? Very simple. Even after this quite hot show, Kakashi was not even one bit aroused. Although being aroused by your students would be very wrong, he still should had some sort of reaction.

But no, fate was being a BITCH today. You hear that fate! You're a bitch! Ha!

As the scene below got more and more heated, Kakashi became more and more irate.

Sasuke's hand went from Naruto's backside to Naruto's…-ahem-…package, which resulted in a deep throaty moan. Naruto, on the other hand, was busy making hickeys under the Uchiha's collar so that they wouldn't be seen by others.

That was when the jounin upturned an evil idea, which he would initiate in…

3…-gasp-…2…-groan-…1…-MOAN-…now…

And Kakashi jumped out of the tree right next to Naruto and Sasuke.

"Ah-HA!" He pointed an accusing finger at the two of them. "Exhibitionists!" He hollered.

"Omigawd! Kakashi! How long were you th-there!" Naruto demanded, completely embarrassed at being caught light this (this, meaning aroused).

Sasuke kept his calm exterior and replied coolly. "Well, if we are exhibitionists, does that make you a voyeur?"

The silver-haired man was at a loss for words. Leave it to the Uchiha to ruin his great discovery. Damn.

"Maa…So, how long has _this_ been going on?" He asked, mildly changing the subject.

"Long enough to make you doubt your skills as a jounin." Sasuke smirked.

'_Ooo. Ouch.'_

"Who's on top?" Kakashi asked cheerily.

"I am." Sasuke said quite proudly. Naruto, if possible, turned redder.

Kakashi nodded, knowingly. "I figured. Good luck."

"You're not disgusted?" Naruto asked, quite shocked.

"Nope. In fact I have my Ru-Ru-chan." He smiled down at Naruto, while he put two and two together.

"Ru-Ru…chan?...Ru-Ru…Ruka…Iruka….IRUKA!" Naruto shouted.

"Maa... Not so loud. Hai, Iruka, not a problem, right?" He asked.

"R-right." Naruto nodded warily. "Say, where are your books?" He asked innocently.

"I don't need them at the moment." Hurt flashed behind the jounin's eyes.

"WTF?" At that moment something in Naruto's head clicked.

"What the HELL are you doing here so early!" He yelled.

"I'm having a slight 'problem', and this has given me more time than I know what to do with since I use most of it doing something (cough- someone- cough) that normally occupies that time." The jounin explained.

"Aa. _Those_ kinds of problems." Sasuke smirked amusedly at their sensei.

"You don't know what you're talking about…or do you?" Kakashi leered at the Uchiha. Sasuke's face faulted for a brief moment before replying haughtily, more loudly than need be, "I do not have erectile dysfunctions."

He glowered at the boy. Damn him. Naruto looked like he had heart failure. Kakashi unable to 'get it up' was unheard of. The biggest pervert of them all unable to 'put out'. It was…was… "THE APOCALYPSE!" The hyper-active ninja shouted at the top of his lungs running in circle with his arms going windmill skill around and around and around.

Sasuke smiled slightly at his lover's childishness, but the fantasies stopped short when Kakashi smacked a hand over Naruto's mouth effectively silencing him. "Stop shouting 'E.D.' at the top of your lungs, Naruto." He growled.

"Well, what happened?" Naruto asked. "We might be able to help if we knew what was wrong."

"Well, I think some enemy ninja put this jutsu on me." Kakashi said with depression laced in each of his words.

"I've got an idea." Sasuke suddenly said.

Both of the other ninjas looked at him expectantly.

Sasuke fished in his pocket and pulled out a packet of pills.

"What that?" Naruto asked.

"Ninzyte. I got this in the mail for free and I was gonna give it to Kiba. But you need it more." He tossed it to Kakashi.

"It's a natural Nin- stimulant. 30 day trial. If you want more the address is on the back." Sasuke took Naruto's arm and proceeded to drag him away.

"Sasuke, what about practice!" Kakashi called to them.

"I'd say that this is payment. Don't expect to see us for a good week…and a half, Naruto'll need recuperation time." Sasuke smirked smugly to himself.

Kakashi just stood there dumbly before it clicked…_'poor Naruto.' _. But then again, he was going to do the same thing to Iruka now that he had the magic pill!

"Oh Ru-Ru-chan! I hope you kept that bed of roses!"

**OWARI!**

Nomi: Wasn't that weird? (grinning)

Mol: Yay! KakaIru! (glomps)

Nomi: I was forced to put this up I swear! And Ninzyte is the ninja version of Enzyte. I think that's how you spell it.

Mol: Lol. Kakashi needed male enhancement. (rolling around)

Sasuke/Naruto: (Going at it like bunnies)

Nomi: I don't think they'll need Ninzyte for a _loooong _time.

Mol: Agreed

Both: Ja! R&R Please!


	2. Bonus

Note: I'm sorry if this sucks but I just decided to add it today. I wrote this about a week after the first chapter but I didn't think was good enough. Now, I'm like, whatever, so I'm adding it, Yay! Me. Lol. READ!

"Iruka-sensei?" Konahamaru poked his teacher in the head. Nothing happened. He looked and Moegi and Udon worriedly.

"IRUKA-SENSEI!" He shouted in the poor Chunnin's ear. He snapped to attention.

"Akane, let go of Moegi's hair. Tsune, stop gnawing on the desk. Konahamaru, give Udon his tissue box back. Kakashi, n-o means n-o." Iruka's head slammed down onto the table suddenly.

The class was silent after the outburst. They all turned to Konahamaru.

"What?!" He looked at his snoozing teacher. "Fine." He gestured to Udon and Moegi and they both came to help him lift their much larger teacher. With all three of them helping they carried him off to Tsunade's office.

"Tsunade-sama!" Konahamaru shouted as he kicked down the door. The village leader jumped at the intrusion and glared at the little brat that interrupted her sleep. Then she saw Iruka being carried in there little arms.

"Set'im N' the couch." She ordered groggily. The little munchkins did as they were told and watched as the Hokage slid her hand over the sleeping Chunnin's forehead.

"It seems he's… exhausted?" She looked at them.

"We didn't do anything, honest!" They held their arms out in front of themselves, shielding their bodies from her angry wrath.

"I'll fix him up and he'll be good to go." She pumped a small bit of chakra into Iruka's body and he groaned in response. A sigh of relief came from the little trio.

"Kakashi's been molesting me every day and I haven't seen hide nor hair of Naruto in the past week!" He shouted loudly. There was a stunned silence.

"You wanna explain something?" Tsunade cleared her throat.

He looked up at her confusedly and then blushed bright red, apparently realizing what he just said and looked down, taking a deep breath…

"Kakashi and I got together 6 months ago and we had awesome passionate wild monkey sex every weekend and two or three times a week but last week he didn't want to have sex and I was as shocked as you are right now but I let it go. The next morning said he still couldn't get it up and he left_ early_ to see his team _without_ his Icha-Icha Paradise books, again huge shocker. Then he came home around noon and started coming onto me like the day before and the morning never happened and he hasn't left me alone for a week and a half and I can't get any sleep. I have to get screwed seven to ten times a night. Which, during the moment, isn't so bad, but in the morning when you can hardly move _and_ have to go to work, you get pissy and tired, which I am right now. I went to Naruto's house for help or at lest sanctuary but he's not there. I've checked every day and he hasn't been home in the entire week and a half. His apartment is clean from the last time I was there which was the day before Kakashi's issue happened." He breathed heavily after his rant and collapsed back down onto the sofa.

Tsunade and the munchkin trio: O.O O.O O.o o.O

"Naruto-nii-chan's missing?" Moegi asked.

"I think. You have to help me he could-" He could finish his sentence because Kakashi chose that moment to barge in.

"Oh, Ruru-chan!" Kakashi leered as he stalked up to his pray, who was clinging desperately to the couch.

"Not here in front of the kids or the Hokage! I don't think she's old enough to see this kind of stuff."

Silence.

"STILL! The kids!" He pleaded.

"You're hot when you beg Ruru-chan."

"Nooo!"

While the little brats were watching Iruka try to push away the persistent sex-driven Kakashi, Tsunade was making quite a few phone calls. Faster than you could say, "Omigawd YAOI!" the room was filled with the entire SasuNaru/KakaIru fanclub which Tsunade happily managed with the help of Sakura and Ino. All 289 members watched with bated breath as Kakashi teased Iruka into submission. Three of them kindly punted the munchkins out of the office window.

Kakashi pulled off Iruka's forehead protector and pulled the brown hair out of its tie. Iruka continued struggling against the Jounin's hold. He just laughed and pulled something shiny out of his pocket. Two shiny things. And two clasping noises read out Iruka's fate. Uke.

The fangirls' squeals went unheard. Each one chirped an excited, "Yay! Bondage!," before going silent again to watch the show.

The Chunnin continued to pull against the cuffs awkwardly because they were snapped onto a single tall lamp bolted into the floor. _'Goody, the day safety precautions betrayed me.' _Iruka quipped to himself.

Kakashi unzipped the Chunnin vest and ripped the arms of it so that it fell off of Iruka. He stripped himself of his own clothes; mask included, and threw them into the sea of fangirls. Iruka's face looked panicked and he pulled harder his hair flying into his face.

Kakashi smirked and ran his hand down his shirt before ripping the offending article of clothing to shreds. He bent down and took one of his nipples into his mouth and lapped at it eagerly.

Iruka whimpered, "Please don't, Kaka-chan." The fangirls' hearts melted at his uber-ukeness.

Apparently Kakashi's heart was made of a hard-on because he simply chuckled and tied the other's forehead protector over his eyes. He continued to ravish his lover's chest alternating between each nipple. He bit down on the left one. Iruka couldn't hold back his urge to moan and buck his hips up.

'_I guess I have to embrace my fate now.' _Iruka sighed.

"Pl-please." He begged breathily. Kakashi smirked. "Please what?" He taunted.

"Please take me." He pleaded. The silver-haired man moved his hand lower and cupped Iruka through the fabric of his pants. "What do you want?" The Chunnin moaned loudly, bucking into the hand holding him.

"Fuck me, dammit!" He growled huskily and pulled against his restraint blindly looking for a mouth to latch onto.

The girls squealed even louder at their ex-sensei's boldness.

"All you had to do was ask, Koi." At that Kakashi removed Iruka of the rest of his clothes and started grinding his arousal into Iruka's. The tanned man mewled at the contact and grinded helplessly against Kakashi.

The Jounin turned his attention to the Hokage. "Got any lube?"

A smirk played on her lips. "Why no. No I don't." Tsunade sung happily.

"Good." He grinned.

He placed his fingers in Iruka's mouth to which the other responded by sucking on them erotically. The younger one lavished the three digits in his mouth tenderly with his tongue, coating them with his saliva. He let them slide in and out in a lewdly familiar fashion. "Uhn…nh…" Some of the saliva dribbled down his chin.

Kakashi swallowed thickly and regrettably removed his fingers and replaced them with his mouth. He didn't spare another thought on the past as he slammed all three fingers in at once ripping a muffled groan from the small body beneath him. As he moved them around and opened him up, he continued to make sexy moans, groans and whimpers that knocked out half of the fanclub.

He pulled out his fingers with a loud sucking sound. "Your wide enough now but we still don't have any lube, so…" He trailed off suggestively and went in for the kill. "Open up!"

"Huh?" Was all he got before Kakashi pushed his member into Iruka's mouth. That's when he decided to take matters into his own hands. He swirled his tongue around endlessly and lapped at the veined and sensitive underside. Kakashi shuddered and doubled over moaning loudly. Iruka smirked at the sudden switch of controls, even if it was for a short time, he'd savor it. He hummed around the cock and dipped into the slit which made Kakashi spasm.

"St-stop, you're gonna make me come early." He pushed the brunette away from his now very erect cock. Lifting the now willing uke's legs over his shoulder he poised his erection at his lover's entrance.

"Iruka-sensei! Are you okay I heard what happened from Sak…u…ra" Naruto took in the sight. "Oh wow."

Sasuke and Naruto were standing in pure shock as they stared at their very aroused teachers.

As though forgetting his situation entirely, Iruka perked up. "Naruto? Is that you?" His mother-hen mode setting in. "Where've you been all week?"

Naruto coughed secretively and glanced at Sasuke. "Um…nowhere?"

"Why is it so dark?" Iruka asked innocently.

Sasuke and Naruto stepped over all 289 fangirls' bodies and stood near the still naked couple. Naruto went and unlocked Iruka's cuffs and untied the forehead protector while Sasuke threw his pants and boxers at him.

"Goodness what happened?" He questioned.

"Nothing. Don't worry. I'm here now." He hugged his sensei and glared at Kakashi. It said loud and clear, "Don't touch him. Don't look at him. Couch for a month. No! TWO!" The Jounin whimpered at his loss and walked away with Sasuke who helped explain what a left hand was used for in times like these.

"Just get some sleep and I'll tell you what happened when you wake up. Ok?" Naruto smiled Cheekily down at him and put a blanket over the drowsy man.

"Okay. Just clean up the mess before you leave." With that, Iruka fell asleep; blissfully unaware of what just conspired.

"Mess?" Naruto scratched his head he turned around. "Oh!" Glancing at the 289 fangirls that passed out with nose bleeds he sighed and then grinned as he thought up an idea.

Konahamaru opened his eyes blearily as he lifted himself off of the pavement to which he met abruptly. He considered waking his friends for a moment before the sound of something heavy falling fast caught his ears. He looked up and just about cried. 289 fangirls were in a large ball and falling right above him. He tried to make a run for it but was squashed under the weight of fandom.

Naruto skipped after Sasuke and Kakashi, knowing Sasuke was letting his current teacher in on the secretive world of masturbation.

Let's just say that certain Jounins hands are going to be incapacitated for a long time.

**OWARI!... AGAIN!**

**----**

Nomi: Sorry if this wasn't as good as the last one but it was just spur of the moment.

Mol: It was still funny and had its moments. Besides, it has lemony goodness.

Nomi: Alright. Well, I'm officially not moving anymore and will be dedicating my time to writing again. Don't ask why it's a long story. Just be happy.

Mol: Yay!

Nomi: I'm baaaaack!

Both: Ja! R&R Please!


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